Inside a Woman's Mind

Learning to Crack the Code in Your Communication Can Mean the Difference Between Soaring or Sinking in Your Relationship!

Claudia Alabiso is a licensed marriage and family therapist. In practice for more than a decade, Claudia worked both in New York City and here, on the Eastside. Her private practice is in Bellevue, where she specializes in relationship therapy and addiction counseling for families. Claudia also owns and operates The Ashram Yoga, along with her husband, in Kirkland and Bellevue.

A woman’s mind is notoriously intricate and complex. Anyone married to a woman knows that a seemingly simple conversation can often send you reeling when you realize you’ve missed a subtle message. Here are some common phrases you might encounter.

“We need to talk.”

This may make you want to run! But, don’t fear. She is simply taking the conversation from casual to serious. She’s collected her thoughts to express herself carefully. You won’t be as prepared as she is, but listen openly and respond thoughtfully, and this can be an open dialogue rather than scary conversation.

“We should … [insert unpleasant task here].”

Does she mean we or really mean you? Play this one safe; assume she means you. She doesn’t want to push but wants you to know there’s a task to be done. If you take the initiative, you’ll bank some brownie points! If she ends up doing the task alone, you’re in for it …

“You don’t understand what I’m going through.”

She doesn’t know how to convey what she is experiencing, or she assumes you don’t have the patience to understand deeply. But make no mistakes—she wants you to understand. As her partner, this phrase can feel like she is putting up a wall. This is actually your door to intimacy. Try to listen patiently.

“Whatever you decide is fine with me.”

This is a test. And you better make the right decision! If you are paying attention, a woman has usually expressed herself well and made her expectations and desires clear. She’s probably tired of arguing about the topic and has surrendered. But there’s still only one right decision in her mind. Proceed cautiously.